i got nothing

I had half a mind to not do INSANITY today I really just wasn’t feeling it. I didn’t get much sleep last night because all I could think about was life and how fragile it really is. I even took a half of an Ambien, but that didn’t work at all. Looks like I’m going to have to upgrade to a whole Ambien, something I never hoped to have to do. I just know I can’t be going days without sleep when I have a child to take care of.

I found out last night that a friend from high school passed away. We really didn’t stay close friends once we graduated but we definitely stayed in touch for at least 5-6 years afterwards. It wasn’t until last year or so that I stopped talking to him and a whole bunch of people from high school. Mostly because a lot of them are still aquainted with SD and I don’t need that. Sure it’s petty, but I only want to be involved with him when it comes to Grayson,. Anyway that’s neither here nor there. I was told this friend from high school had a heart attack, my age, healthy from what I knew, he was in med school and had so much going for him. Why him? Of course only God has the answers and it’s something no one will ever know. I regret not keeping in touch with him, and I regret not keeping in touch with a lot of people. I was close, really close to a lot of people from high school, several people came to the hospital when Grayson was born and now I don’t talk to hardly any of them. I think it’s time to change that. Something to tragic shouldn’t be the reason, but unfortunately it is.

When I found out the news of his death all I could think about was his family. I don’t ever, I hope I never have to go through that pain they are going through. I look at Grayson and can’t imagine my life without him in it. I only pray they can find peace. I think about Nate all the time, but now more than ever. I can’t lose him either. He is such a blessing to Grayson and me, my life; our life really wouldn’t be the same without him in it. I don’t ever want to know that void either. RIP P.K. please watch over your family and give them comfort. ♥

I did INSANITY anyway, I know I would feel bad for not doing it. It was pretty half a*s because I really wasn’t into it. Day 6 started back over with the ploymetric circuit and it was a little easier this time. I can tell my body is changing. I’m thankful for that. Tomorrow is supposed to be rest day, but I don’t’ know if I will since I won’t have it with me when I head to Texas on Thursday. I’ll be gone until Sunday. We’ll see though.

Nothing more going on today other than getting ready for my trip. I can’t wait to see everyone. I miss my family so much, even more now.

I miss you NJM, so much. 5 more to go give or take a few weeks or so. I love you, with all my heart.